homie im just trying to conserve my brain cells but it aint workin
insane clown posse enjoyer
D - FTM - Adult
Writer / Musician / Tattoo enthusiast / Debate enjoyer / Psychology studier / Husband haver / Gamer / Therapist friend / Jewish Conversion Student / Trauma survivor / Personality disorder haver / Cripplepunk / Autism enjoyer / Therapy pusher / Juggalo
Homestuck Veteran. It’s been 8 long years.
fuck having a dni it doesn’t work lmfao. no i don’t support bigots
All posts OK to RB unless otherwise specified.
oh wait i forgot to poast him finished lol
HELLO? THE TAG ON MY LAST POST WAS DISSOCIATIVE “PERSONALITY DISORDER” INSTEAD OF DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER WTF
you speak about your struggles as if with longing,
staring past the image that i spent my life crafting for you,
line
by line,
and into the
teeth
of the paper i’ve delivered it on
you are not a thought or an emotion that can be
(held)
but a window into who i could have
been.
AW FUCK I CANT BELIEVE THIS
i’m continuing my rereading (i don’t even know if it’s my 3rd or 4th read at this point) of homestuck and it’s rekindled my desire to create shit. so. i’m doing this dumb bullshit i GUESS !!!
yeha that’s right. i’m CRINGE and i’m doing a HOMESTUCK ART CHALLENGE because i HATE that i regained some semblance of normalcy for a second there. so, yeah. i’m gonna be picky about it and not actually day by day because if i do i’ll fatigue myself lmfao
ALREADY STARTEEED
AHAHHAHA
AW FUCK I CANT BELIEVE THIS
i’m continuing my rereading (i don’t even know if it’s my 3rd or 4th read at this point) of homestuck and it’s rekindled my desire to create shit. so. i’m doing this dumb bullshit i GUESS !!!
yeha that’s right. i’m CRINGE and i’m doing a HOMESTUCK ART CHALLENGE because i HATE that i regained some semblance of normalcy for a second there. so, yeah. i’m gonna be picky about it and not actually day by day because if i do i’ll fatigue myself lmfao
ALREADY STARTEEED
AW FUCK I CANT BELIEVE THIS
i’m continuing my rereading (i don’t even know if it’s my 3rd or 4th read at this point) of homestuck and it’s rekindled my desire to create shit. so. i’m doing this dumb bullshit i GUESS !!!
yeha that’s right. i’m CRINGE and i’m doing a HOMESTUCK ART CHALLENGE because i HATE that i regained some semblance of normalcy for a second there. so, yeah. i’m gonna be picky about it and not actually day by day because if i do i’ll fatigue myself lmfao
Its my fantroll... Its her.. My peacock troll who is also a mediculler
Pavnis Madron
The comeback of gracklesprite 🐦⬛ I got so into drawing wings back when I first made the original drawing lmao
“A feedback loop occurs when a change in something ultimately comes back to cause a further change in the same thing. If the further change is in the same direction it's a positive or reinforcing loop.” -googled it for a basic definition ig
Reinforcing is well, on of those concepts that make it hard to break a loop, something happens you react a certain way and the results expected convince you to react that way over and over.
You have a problem -> you ask for help-> you receive help -> you will ask for help again in the future
You have a problem->you ask for help-> you don’t receive help->you don’t ask for help again in the future
You have a problem->you ask for help-> the problem gets worse->you don’t ask for help in the future
You have a problem->you delay asking for help based on prior experience->the problem gets worse->you ask for help-> you get ridiculed for not asking sooner-> you ask for help sooner next time-> but you could have handled it yourself-> you get ridiculed for asking for help sooner-> you stop asking for help all together-> your problems accumulate-> you become overwhelmed-> you get ridiculed for letting it get to this point-> you receive help with passive aggression-> you stop caring-> you dissociate -> you have a problem-> its not a problem if you can’t perceive it -> dissociate -> dissociate -> dissociate
The problem is, particularly with the experience I’m tackling, is being incapable of understanding the scope of the problem. Being to young to understand what is and isn’t normal for the human body, or well my own body.
Being unable to differentiate growing pains from a neck growing crooked, or natural pain from walking too much to an actual fracture, or a Charlie horse from an infection in my joints.
Massively cultivating this separation of its nothing and everything simultaneously. You just end up questioning everything when thing you thought were nothing put you in the hospital and things that seemed world ending were just because it was overstimulating.
It’s come to a point where I know my body well enough to say something is wrong and I’ll beg for help then completely forget about it the following day. That’s how I injured my wrist about a year or two ago. I just kept putting it off until it stopped functioning correctly while simultaneously telling someone to make a doctors appointment (who never did because they didn’t think it was too urgent since I never reminded them when they could do something about it)
It’s really hard to ask for help or even know your struggling with a dissociative disorder and it can be a constant flip flopping of awareness and unawareness that can confuse even the more well meaning people in your life.
